Like a Mother

13 weeks, 2 days

When I told my friend Megan  that I was 11 weeks pregnant, we were sitting in a grey "green space" in downtown Seattle eating Indian food from Columbia Tower. She asked me at the time, "Are you scared at all?" It was a great question, but surprisingly difficult to answer. I didn't feel particularly scared at that moment in time, and I was encouraged to articulate why.

I feel like I'm standing on the shoulder of giants. There are so many women throughout history, so many brave souls who have ventured into motherhood, including my own mother. That, alone, was enough to give me a feeling of of comfort, normalcy, and connection.

But, more specifically, I've also been actively seeking the perspectives of thoughtful and brilliant mothers. Angela Garbes's book Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy has given me a lot to chew on, and I love that it is written from the perspective of a Filipina-American who is outspoken about the colonial, racist, and sexist history of our medical care system.  This is important because the bulk of mainstream literature and media about maternal care and motherhood seems to be written from the perspectives of white, urban mothers from middle-class families who have benefited from white feminist movements where others have not. Take, for instance, the work of Dr. J. Marion Sims, referred to as the "father of modern gynecology."  Sims is known for developing a surgical technique for repairing vaginal fistulas in the 19th century, but he developed this technique by first performing on a dozen enslaved women. "Only after mastering his technique (he operated on Anarcha thirteen times) did Sims repair the fistulas of white women, all with anesthesia."

Unless you actively seek it (and even then), it can be hard to find stories from women of color, poor women, and women across the globe.

Additionally, she implores women to better understand and respect our bodies, to be less ashamed of the physical changes we go through. One of her most famous articles published by the Stranger, titled "The More I Learn About Breast Milk, the More Amazed I Am," helped inspire her writing of the book. I had no idea that our bodies took in bits of saliva from the baby to intrepet it and adjust our breast milk accordingly for the baby's needs.  It kind of blew my mind, and while I don't think Garbes's intent is to shame mothers who can't produce milk, this makes me appreciate and respect my own growing body parts — no matter what others may see and perceive.